Mom Advice: There’s a Reason They Say “Mother’s Know Best”

1. Only buy athletic clothes for kids that are school age
2. Buy the good tennis shoes
3. Wal-Mart diapers are the best
4. Wal-Mart wipes are the best
5. Only ever buy white toothpaste. Unless you want sparkly blue residue all over your kids bathrooms.
6. Brush your kids teeth until they are 15.
7. Have your kids teeth sealed.
8. Buy the beef hot dogs.
9. Keep chewable pain relievers and fever reducers handy.
10. Always have an ice pack in the freezer.
11. Always have chips and chocolate.
12. Keep Excedrin for yourself.
13. Order your groceries online.
14. Auto pay for everything.
15. Drive your car for ten years.
16. Quit trying to keep up with everyone else.
17. Don’t gossip.
18. Take a personal health day.
19. Keep Lysol wipes in every bathroom.
20. One pet. That’s it.
21. Have a limit at Christmas for spending money.
22. Buy your partner a Christmas gift.
23. Don’t forget your Mom’s birthday.
24. Buy a purse with a lot of pockets.
25. Always have a pen.
26. Always have a BlowPop in your purse.
27. Charge your phone.
28. Put a shatter proof screen protector on your phone.
29. Keep a bucket specifically for puke.
30. Buy a lot of towels.
31. Always have a pair of black slacks and nice shoes or pretty dress and nice shoes for each child.
32. Get the fanny pack. Who cares if you’re wearing a fanny pack. You only have two hands.
33. Don’t stare at other peoples kids when they are having a meltdown.
34. Buy paper towels and toilet paper in bulk.
35. Buy a huge pair of sweatpants.
36. Have a pretty black dress and heels for yourself.
37. Never wear low rise jeans.
38. Curel lotion. Always.
39. Sunscreen.
40. No TANNING BEDS.
41. Never go to bed mad.
42. Nothing good ever happens after midnight.
43. Always buy the Old Navy flip flops.
44. Don’t skimp on trash bags.
45. Have a favorite show and don’t miss it.
46. Go on a weekly bike ride with your kids.
47. Buy good braziers.
48. Wash your sheets.
49. Change your air filter.
50. Water your foundation.
51. Keep emergency gift cards for teachers.
52. Keep emergency twenty dollar bills for birthday gifts for your kids friends.
53. Don’t forget to tell the people you love how much they mean to you.

—Valerie Lazarchick